Turning Point

Overweight, sluggish and tired, that was the best way to describe myself during my first six months of martial art training.

Carrying all that extra weight on my body, due to excessive alcohol consumption, poor diet and lack of any physical activity often made it difficult for me to keep up with the pace of the class. I was often made to feel completely inadequate by some of my fellow classmates who seemed so much more proficient than me.

After only a few of months of training, I met up with an ex-school friend, who wasn’t a martial art practitioner, but a weightlifter. He told me that he had witnessed my performance during one of my Kuk Sool practice sessions at a local sports complex. I wasn't aware of his attendance at the time and he must have observed me from a distance. He went on to say…. "you look like a fat old toad hopping around on the mats."

Those few words hit me harder than if he'd physically punched me in the face. Although this statement deeply hurt me inside, the sad thing was it was true. If nothing else his bluntness made me realise that if I wanted to see any major improvement in my physical ability, I had to make some dramatic lifestyle changes.

I knew that my overall skill and capability as a martial artist was considerably lacking, let's just say I wasn't your 'natural-born' practitioner. To reiterate this I remember my Instructor once asked me to perform individually in front of the whole class. I was instructed to demonstrate a basic level form (a set of pre-arranged moves) called Cho-Guhp Hyung.

Despite my resistance to perform this task, my teacher insisted that I should still do it regardless. I struggled through the routine as best I could and somehow managed to get to the end without any major mistakes. Because of nerves, as well as my general lack of talent, my technique must have looked very stiff and rigid, unlike how Kuk Sool forms should be performed; relaxed, fluid and precise.

At the end of my performance the Instructor came over, put his hand on my shoulder and said the following words, words, which I’ll never forget.  He said, "Martin’s a lovely lad… but his form  is CRAP... he actually looks like a robot.” 

Can you imagine how I felt? I was absolutely guttered and really wanted to shrivel-up and hide in a dark corner.

For some strange reason I didn’t quit, although I might have had every reason to do so. Somewhere in the depths of my subconscious mind I was still convinced that martial art training was definitely for me. I  did however  frequently ask myself the following two questions; 1/ What the hell am I doing this for?  2/ Why all this discomfort?

After about six months of practising something very strange and significant happened. It was announced by our Instructor that he would be holding a written quiz / competition for all of the students; the first-place prize - a book relevant to the martial arts. Questions would include specific aspects about Kuk Sool, both study and practice, including history and philosophy.

On the evening of the questionnaire, test sheets were handed out to all students. While completing the questions, I actually remember thinking to myself, how easy it felt. Before I knew it I’d finished the sheet and handed in my question paper before everyone else and then returned to normal practice.

We had to wait until the following week to find out the results. I had no expectations about achieving anything outstanding; like most things in my life at that time I just went through the motions hoping to achieve the best that I could. 

At the start of the next class, the Instructor stood motionless. His steely-eyed gaze scanned over his flock of students. After a brief pause he quietly announced the name of winner. To the total astonishment of everyone in the room, including myself, he called out my name. I had to double-take, not believing what I'd just heard. 

After realising that I’d actually won the competition, I felt a little embarrassed and blushed like a single red rose coming into bloom. I doubted myself, thinking that it was all just a big mistake or maybe a shear fluke. I later discovered that it wasn't, as my Instructor informed me after the class that I had won by a considerable margin. 

A few days later after my achievement had finally sunk in I remember feeling absolutely elated; this surprising result did wonders for my wavering self-esteem. After everything that I'd previously been through, the bullying and the anxiety attacks etc, I can categorically say that it was not only a major turning point in my martial art training, but also in my life as well.

The next month, another competition. After again finishing this particular quiz with relative ease, I handed in my paper and again awaited the results the following week. To my utter surprise my name was once again called out by the Instructor. It was another first place result. My fellow classmates were flabbergasted that I had once again stolen the show.

In the following months, my confidence soared. I went on to collect two more consecutive first place prizes, making it a total of four altogether. I just seemed to have this knack for retaining knowledge and information about Kuk Sool.  I'd always been quite attentive in class to what our Instructor was saying. If I lacked physical ability, I certainly didn't lack passion for my subject, which obviously contributed to my success in the quizzes. 

I suppose deep down, I had a point to prove; not just to my Instructor for making me feel small in front of the class, not only to some of my fellow classmates, who continuously teased me, but most importantly to myself. I wanted to prove that I was actually capable of achieving something worthwhile.